Saturday, July 10, 2010

The Play

Niar sat in front of Andre, at the same cafe, at the same table where they were going out for the first time five-six months ago. Andre asked her to meet here this afternoon after work.
Andre's face looked strained, or possibly nervous. Niar was no less anxious to see her lover.

"Ni, I want to apologize," Andre started to get into the real conversation.
"For what?"
"All I have said and done"
"What are you talking about Ndre, don't act weird ..."
Andre drank his juice once, "I ... could no longer continue our relationship. "
After saying that Andre looked afar out the window, not daring to look at Niar.
Niar looked at Andre incredulously, "Ndre ... did I hear youwrong ? "
Andre shook his head.
"What have I done?"
"You have done nothing."
"Then why ..."
"I was wrong. All this time. "
"What do you mean?"
Andre drank the juice again, as this conversation has dried his throat.
"Once again, before, I apologize. Because I've actually never really fell in love with you. "
"What? Then why .. "
"I ... I just wanted to know, what it's like going out with another man's wife. "
Andre would shatter his own head to reveal this. He knew Niar would be hit. But he thought better this way than letting things more excessive.
"Ndre ... how could you ... "
"Yeah, I could. I'm evil. I'm cruel. Say what you want. But I can not pretend any longer. I don't want you to feel deeper. My responsibility on how you feel will be bigger then. So ... let's cut this out, now. "
"You ..."
"Sorry. Sorry ... "
Niar's eyes began to glaze. She seemed to want to say something but stuck in the throat.
"I want to thank you for all your affection for me all this time," said Andre, "but ... I guess ... I have to finish my play. I'm sorry. I want you to know that as long as I have been with you ... "
Niar stood and spoiled her tea into Andre's face, "Enough, I don't want to hear ..." Then went away.
Andre rubbed his face. Bend the table.


Niar parked his car in the garage. Her husband's car was not there, so he's not home yet. Raihan greet her once she got out of the car. She embraced her only child, and held out the cake she bought earlier.
Niar couldn't bear to go to her room soon. Raihan followed her around but she softly shoo him away, she wanted to be alone.
"Just a moment, dear. Mama want to change first. Later after that we'll play, ya. Why don't you open the cake while waiting? "
Raihan left.
Niar entered the room and locked the door. Dropped her bag on the floor just like that. Collapsed onto the mattress, take a pillow to cover her head and then laughed loudly.
She's been thinking a way to speak to Andre, to end their love affair. Niar felt Andre loved her more each day, and that would be dangerous. She never thought Andre himself will come with the problem solving, without Niar should feel guilty.
Okay, it's done. Niar hoped Andre will never know, that Niar also just wanted to know, what it's like dating a boy who was 15 years younger than her ... Read more!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

the fire works tonight

Once again I looked at the tiny thing.
"Tomorrow I'm going to pick it up here, ya. Please keep it for me. If I don’t come at seven, and any one wants it, give it. Maybe I don’t deserve it, "I told the shop keeper. He smiled, nodded.

The tiny objects, which I ordered it to pay tomorrow, I would give to Mur, my beloved. Ah ... I dunno. We never pledged our selves as lovers. We just grew up together since childhood. Exactly, I have been keeping Mur since she was born.

I was seven years old when Mur was born. In my house. Not intentionally. Lik Har, Mur's mother, that time, knocked on my door. Early in the dawn. I opened the door, just walked home from Shubuh prayer at the mosque. Lik Har grimaced bit his lip, her left hand holding the wall, and her right hand was clutching her big tummy.

"Lik? Lik Har, what’s wrong with you stomach Lik? "I asked, panicked, then shouted for Mom and Dad.

Mother from the kitchen, father from the room, rushing forward to find Lik Har who suddenly not strong enough to stand. Together they carried Lik Har to couch in the living room. I was still paused at the door, not knowing what to do.

"I ... ah ... like it's time Yu ... Mas Yoto... ah ... is working tonight .. " Lik Har moaning, I got to go hiss. It seems incredible pain.

"Call Yoto’s office, Mas ... or should we just call the midwife? Or directly bring Har to the hospital? "She looked panicked as well.

Lik Yoto, Lik Har’s husband, is a warehouse security guard at a furniture factory. Actually, of course there are phones there. But Lik Har does not have a phone at home. That's why she came to our house to get help for it. That was not a cell phone season. And in the crowded villages where we live, the nearest house that had a phone is our home.

Dad told me to spread the mat and took the pillow. Lik Har laid there. Mother called the midwife. Then call Lik Yoto. But before one of them arrived, Mur was born. And I ... ah, Dad and Mom might be too panicked and I forgot I was there. Yes, I saw how Mur came to this world. I saw the struggling of the baby and mother. Amazing little creature that looks so fragile ...

Since that time, grew in me a desire to protect her. Every day before and after school, I see baby Mur. I accompanied her playing since she was still crawling. Walk. Run. Cycling. Flying kites.

When she started school, I help her studying. If there is a naughty school friend, to me she asked for help. People around us seemed to understand our closeness, and never question anything. The kids my age peers never made fun of us 'going out', as they usually do to boys and girls who hang out too close. They know the story about me helping Mur’s birth ...

I never thought about, how they see me and Mur. I myself never even thought about how the definition of my relationship with Mur.

The time will soon come.


Eight years ago, when I started college in another city, Mur entered junior high. I came home every other week, sometimes once a month. Seeing Mur at such intervals, presents a surprise to me every time. Mur suddenly has become a girl. Whether the return of the number, I realized she was no longer a kid who always looked after. Blame me, my caress has been contaminated with love.

I never express it. And I do not see the need. I know, fate had written Mur to be mine.

I remember, the year I asked for permission to Lik Har and Lik Yoto to take Mur to see fireworks in new year’s eve. Mur was too happy she danced when they said yes. She hug me, jumping up and down. From the front, from the side, from behind.

"Hush, Mur. What a bad behavior. You are a big girl, not a child, "scolded his mother.

Since then, every year, I go with Mur to see the fireworks. From year to year, every year, I was amazed at the look in her eyes. It never changed. Like my happiness that never stop, seeing every happiness in her eyes.

Even when finally I worked in Jakarta, I still get home at least every three months. Included at the end of the year. I could not resist too long to miss my Mur. Yes yes yes ... now the phone is no longer such a rare commodity like at her birth. I could feel the joy in every vibrating voice I heard. But nothing can replace seeing his eyes light up whenever she feels happiness.

This year will be the fourth year of my staying in Jakarta. Mur had graduated high school, and work in a shop in downtown. I suggest her to go to college, but she said, she did not want to burden her parents. Only his father works. And still had two more brothers that still must be financed.

It doesn’t matter for me. I do not mind having a wife graduated from high school level, as long as she's as special as Mur. Maybe later, I will ask Mur to just stay home. I will be the one to make a living.

Ah ... my imagination. Yes. This year, I would propose her. I have not said anything to her, yet also to Lik Har or Lik Yoto. I wanted to make a surprise for Mur in the fireworks-night this year. Mur first, then afterward I would formally propose to her parents.

Last week I called Mur, telling about my plan to go home.

"God willing I can go home this end of the year, Mur. We will watch fireworks again. And… I have a surprise for you "

"What is it? A gift? Wa .... this should be good, you are now a big company employee. You must also have large salary. What is it Mas? What what what? "

"Halah, it wouldn’t be a surprise if I say it now. But I hope you'll like it. Be patience, okay? "

"I know I would like it. You always knew the things that I like "

I just laughed.

"I also have a surprise for you"

"Oh really? What?"

"No surprise if I tell you now."

Of course.


I arrived just a day before the end of the year. Along the way I tried to guess what the surprise Mur will give me.

Is she going to dress up as pretty as possible to go out with me? Or she also bought a small gift for me, with her salary as a clerk? Or she'll kiss me? I was ashamed imagining it, and unconsciously rubbed my cheek.

The afternoon of December 31, after maghrib. I feel less and less better. Excitement waiting to see Mur, and prepare the simple words but nice to make her bloom. Slowly I approached the house fence.

"Assalamu'alaykum" I said.

"Wa'alaikum salam," Mur was sitting in the living room, then stood up to me. A young man, probably my age, still in his seat, turned and smiled at me.
Without hesitation Mur held my hand, took me inside.

"Mas, this is a surprise that I told yesterday "

I do not want to accept the allegations that had suddenly flashed in my mind. No. Hopefully not. I will not be able to...

"This is Mas Fath. My boyfriend, "Murray smiled looked embarrassed for a while," my supervisor at office... " she continued in a whisper in my ear.

I shook his hand firmly, smile as hard as most happy, for Mur.

"Do you bring the surprise for me?" Said Mur spoiled.

I nodded. Mur clapped a little, smiling widely.


Mur forced me to go along with her and Fath. Oh ... dear, how can I? I have given that tiny five grams necklace I bought. I said I'll watch the fireworks with Gun, my high school friend.

But I went alone to the Marina beach. Without Mur. Without her bright eyes of amazement. I was alone. Watching the explosions of fireworks in the sky. That blew my dreams. Blew my love. Blew me.

* as in Cempaka Minggu Ini *

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