Friday, October 23, 2009


note: Genderuwo is one of Javanese male ghost. It is believe to appear as a black big hairy stinky image. They like to have sex with human by showing up as a man. And (some people believe) the women could have baby from the activity.

The sun has just greeted Dhuha. Net walked half running passing through Mbah Mis’s house.
"Net! Why do you hurry so? Where are you from?" said Mbah Mis half shouted from the veranda of his house.
Net stopped, turned her head to the right, left, to the rear. Silence for a moment, then decided to stop by. She sat beside the Mbah Mis.
"From Lik Tuk’s house, Mbah.”
"Why so hurry?"
"Ah, nothing. I want soon get to home. Take a shower, then back to Lik Tuk again." She paused and then continued, "E ... I ... just bathed Rim’s baby’s dead body, Mbah."
"Inna lillah! Babies? What baby? When was the birth then suddenly it is dead? When did Rim pregnant? "Mbah Mis strafed Net with questions that suddenly strafed her own head.
"I do not know Mbah." Hissing, Net seek forgiveness several times and then continued, "The baby was a boy, Mbah. E ... and ... ah .... His whole body was hairy. Thick."
Mbah Mis-Mouth wide open with the palm of his right hand. She shuddered. Her eyes stared at Net unblinking. Full of questions but not clear what the questions were.
Net stood, "I go home, Mbah. If Mbah want to go there, I'll stop by here on my way there."

About eight-nine months ago, Rim was gone for three days. The whole hamlet joined the search in the forests. Some people suggested Tuk to ask a help from a paranormal, but Tuk refused. He also did not want to report this to the police. He said, if Rim could not be found in a week, he will do both at once: for help from paranormal and the police.
Third day seeking Rim, in the afternoon before evening prayer, everyone had just left. Tuk also just entered the house after thanked for their assistance. Tuk suddenly got out again and shouted, "Rim's home! Rim's home!"
Every one turned back to Tuk’s home right away. Noise, of course. Tuk put his finger on his lips, asking for everybody to be quiet.
"Excuse me, but please be quiet. I do not want to interfere Rim, she seemed a little dazed," he said.
"She’s back? Where is she now?" asked Mr. Bayan.
"Inside, sir. At room. I had back, went straight to take bath. I saw Rim entered from the back door. Still wearing the clothes she wears four days ago. Her body was clean, hair neat, too. I was wrong, I guess. I immediately asked her where she’s been, with who, why. She cried. So I think I should let her take some rest in the room first, let her calm. I'll be ask her slowly."
"Can I see her? Only me, let the others stay here," said Mr. Bayan.
Tuk paused before finally saying, "Okay, Mr. Bayan. We apologize, others. I do not want to make Rim more nervous."
Mr. Bayan was only allowed to take a peek through door aperture, to see that Rim has really gone home. Without the voice of Mr. Bayan got closer and peered inside. In the dim light Rim was sitting in bed hugging her knees. As Tuk said, her hair neatly tied. Tears were overflowing her face.
They went out again. From mosque adzan was shouting calling for everyone to come and pray, but people were still waiting. Apparently could not help but wonder what has happened.
"Yeah, I saw him. I think we’d better go home now. Let Rim feel better. Later Lik Tuk will ask for explanations slowly," explained Mr. Bayan.
"Yeah right. I apologize for troublesome for days. Thank you very much. I am also confused what has happened. Later, if Rim speaks, God willing, I'll tell all, what has happened with her. Forgiveme, forgive the inconveniences. Thank you, thank you very much everyone, "Tuk bent his bow-in-the asserted saying his apology and thanks.
The next day the news spread. During the three days lost, Rim could see all the people who seeked her. She wanted to call and tell that she was fine, but no one was looking at her or hear her voice. Rim said, according to Tuk, she was taken by a dashing handsome man, to a magnificent and beautiful palace...
Rim is Tuk’s only daughter. The only one Tuk lived with, since his wife died of dengue fever three years ago. They live in the southern edge of the village. Most edge, at the foot of the hill, close to the forest.
Rim is 16. She just graduated elementary school two years ago. Everyone knew Rim was not smart kid and had a couple of times stayed at the same grade. Even according to the news circulated, she was let be graduated because the teacher could not wait to teach her any longer.
In the last two years, Rim became very quiet and closed. Rarely out of the house. At first her girl friends still came visit her. But Rim really lost joy and cheerfulness, so they felt uncomfortable. No one dared to ask Tuk or Rim what has happened.
TUk once told about the changes in Rim, to his nearest neighbor, Dhe To. Tuk said, Rim changed to be like that since her love was rejected by Kus, son of Mr. Lurah who is currently studying in college in Solo.
Since the incident where she was gone for three days, nobody ever sees Rim got out the house.
Net and Jan sat in front of Mbah Mis’s house. Mbah Mis down the floor, leaning against the pole. They had just returned home from Tuk’s house. A lot to talk about. But they were too afraid.
"What are you thinking Mbah?" Jan started the conversation.
"Thinking of what? I did not dare to think of anything. If I say it but it was wrong, that would be a mistake I make."
"Oh, Mbah. This is between us. Just a little sharing between the hearts…"
Net said, "Frankly I was a little shudder when thinking about this. This morning when I bathed the baby, my body was shaking. Never once before. I also dare not to comment. Rim also said nothing and coul not be questioned. I just asked to Lik Tuk when the birth, and the death was."
"What did Tuk say?" asked Mbah Mis.
"Yes, like everyone discussed. Some time before maghrib Lik Tuk heard someone knocking on the door of his house. But when he opened it there was noone. He also heard a few people who are rushing noise like doing something, but it is not clear from which direction the sound was. He even had surrounded the house many times. When the voices were gone, Rim came out of the room with the baby, dead ... "
"So, all this time Rim was in pregnancy? We do not know it, because she never left the house. Today, is about nine months since the incident she she was gone for three days. Is it?" asked Mbah Mis.
"Mbah, can people have a child from ghosts?" asked Jan.
"Hush! Astaghfirullah. Naudzubillah naudzubillah naudzubillah! Be careful what you say Jan. Only Allah knows best. I do not know."
"What do you mean Mbah? So why did you bring us to calculate the time between the incident by now? Yeah sure it was the first thing going through my head, Mbah!"
"Sh ... Stop it. I do not want to talk about this. You go home now. Not good gossiping about death."
Jan and Net up, left Mbah Mis.
Day seven Eidil Fitri, six months since the death of Rim’s. Nok planned to go back to Jakarta the next day. That afternoon he took time to stop by Tuk’s house, almost forgotten to visit.
Nok invited to enter. Nok greeted Tuk, saying 'sorry physically and spiritually' and then sat on the bench.
"Sorry Nok. I have nothing to serve. I do not have time to find treats for Eidil Fitri. Ah, I still feel worry about Rim"
"Rim? Oh, I do not see Rim. Where is she?"
Tuk suddenly muffled sob.
"I do not know what we have done wrong Nok, why something like this happen again to Rim."
"Rim is gone again, Nok, don’t you know?"
"No Lik. When? Why did not anyone help to seek? I remembered, she once was gone, but then went home herself. How did it happen this time? Why didn’t anyone tell about this?"
Tuk wiped his tears, "Today is exactly forty days, Nok"
Nok stupendous surprise, "Forty days? That means it happened before the fasting month?"
Tuk nodded, "I'm just waiting for her to come home Nok. Once she was gone for three days. It’s been forty days now. I do not know how long, but I'm sure she'll come home. "
"Oh God what are you thinking Lik? Are you not worried what might happen with Rim? She's a girl!"
"I understand your concern, Nok. But I'm sure you do not understand how I feel. I'm not asking you to. Let me go through all this."
Nok did not believe it. But Tuk was right, he also could not understand how Lik Tuk feels. So he chose to leave, "I hope Rim will be home soon. I will have to go back to Jakarta to run my business tomorrow. Wish me luck, Lik"
"Yes Nok. Thank you. We’ll pray for each other…"
Tuk walked Nok to the fence, and got inside and shut the door. The tears began to flow again when he entered Rim’s room. Sobbing he sat on Rim’s bed.
When he realized Rim pregnant last year, he easily made the story 'Rim was missing taken by genderuwo'. These villagers are still strongly believe the things superstitious and mystical. He told Rim to stay hiding in the house. People believed that Rim was missing and spread into the forest looking for her, no one search the house. Actually he wanted Rim to get 'gone' much longer. But after three days, Rim could not stand it and threatened to scream. Tuk was forced to accept the offer to let Rim 'home'. At least he had succeeded in making people think that the baby Rim born was son of Genderuwo. Better that way.
This time actually Tuk to wamted it that way again. But Rim could no longer deal with the bargain. She did not want to pretend to be lost. She refused to hide herself at home. She threatened to show herself and let people know she was pregnant. She'd tell people who was the father of the baby inside, which was also the father of the dead baby six months ago. The father who covered the baby’s nose and mouth until it was dead. Rim really did not care disgrace. The threat that Tuk would kill her did not work anymore. Even when Tuk brandished his scythe in front of her, she offered her neck.
"Kill me. Kill me Dad! I would rather die than live like this!"
Tuk went crazy. Although the distance to the nearest neighbors house no less than six hundred yards, he worried Rim would scream louder. So swing the scythe.
For a long time, indefinitely, he will not approach the bushes at the south corner of his field, where he has buried Rim. He will memorize Rim off here, in her room ...

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Sunday, July 19, 2009

the plan

aL and I face to face. a low round table with a tiny glass of oil between us. wicked on a thread, floating on a three clover shaped cork. why didn’t they make it four?

aL blew her smoke on me, I coughed, she laughed.

"I remember that exhibist near my campus" she said.


"he liked it when his victim scream or scared. but some one has shrunk him and made him gone forever

"oh ya? who? how? "

"I did. I stared at what he showed me. I told him, his penis was ugly, small, and it didn’t attract me at all. the thing shrank. he was ashamed and gone "

aL roared. I was dumbfounded.

"that's what we should do to those crazy people who bombed those hotels," she said again.

"do what...?"

"shrink them"


"show them that the action was stupid and useless," aL put her smoke down to the ashtray.

I just wait. aL has begun to bend her body to me, ready to spoil more advanced sentence.

"I am resentful that SBY was afraid to come to the location right then. with the reason that the location has not been sterilized. even showed us an evidence that he was once a sniper target. "

"that’s normal, right?"

"no it’s not! it is normal that he was a target. come on, he is #1 person in this country. but if he is afraid to be shot, don't show up everywhere. no need to visit here and there, nor open the car window, nor wave his hand to the people awaiting for him along the road. just dwell in the palace. or ride an anti-bomb car.. "

"I think he was just being aware. in normal situations he can move freely. but in this case ... "

"in the situation like now, it IS stupid to shoot the president in the bomb location. too many police. what seem normal and safe is some times actually dangerous "

tension in aL's face started flagging. again she relied. her legs raised, be embraced. eyes closed. and began to speak again, as in the delirious mumble.

"who can convince the world that Indonesia is safe, if not us, the Indonesian? president SBY has been so silly. pretending that he was worried that Manchester United would cancel their visit. but he him self could not ensure that Indonesia is safe. even scared the world by himself did not dare to come to the location of the incident. no wonder if MU finally decided not to come "

" people died aL ... beside, may be our government couldn’t give them security guarantees"

aL revived.

"so what? every one could die anytime, any where. you can not avoid death. if SBY did not come to the location, is there any guarantee that he would be safe anyway? at least don’t make it look worse. that’s the plan. that’s what the terrorists wanted, to scare us. don’t you get it ....?" aL seemed so annoyed.

"are you annoyed because MU canceled their visit?"

"I don’t really care about MU. I am annoyed because SBY has made the terrorist thought they succeeded scaring people"

aL slammed her body again. another brake again. shut up. I thought aL was right.

the news flash in the TV was still about what we were talking about. this time it was an interview with one hotel visitor from South Korea, a designer who was in a visit to Indonesia for a fashion show of his latest designs. he said he was okay and didn’t feel any trauma. shortly after the incident he was still running his mission, to prepare all he has planned. he also planned to come again for his next show, next month.

still in eyes closed, aL pointed right to the TV.

"that’s how it should be. don’t give the suicide bomb a damn. never let the terrorists managed to drop our mental. we should drop theirs. their bomb may blow us, but never let them proud for succeeding frightening us. SBY should be ashamed with that Korean designer "

aL asleep, really asleep. snoring. damn.


for this week's sundayscribblings prompt: the plan

my deepest sympathy to all victims at JW Marriot and Ritz Carlton, Jakarta. and go to hell who ever has blown your selves together with the bomb...

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Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Mau ngga jadi selingkuhanku?

Enak ngga jadi selingkuhanmu?
"Banget," katamu.
Ya, boleh deh. Rasanya seperti anak SMA nembak jadi pacar. Kalau sudah bilang 'ya' terus apa? Apa enaknya selingkuh? Orang selingkuh itu ngapain?
"Mana ku tahu? Aku belum pernah," jawabmu.
Oh, jadi aku bahan percobaan? Aku juga bingung mesti ngapain kalo udah proklamasi 'kita selingkuh'. Kamu panggil aku 'sayang'. Huahahahaha... geli di kuping, dan malah aku bikin tertawa.
"Sudah makan, sayang?"
Eh, memang apa pedulimu aku sudah makan atau belum? Mau nraktir?


"Kamu ke sini dong..."
Kenapa ngga kamu aja yang ke sini?
Mau apa memangnya? Biasanya tanpamu dunia baik-baik saja. Aku ga peduli kamu sudah makan atau belum. Aku tidak peduli kamu sibuk atau tidak. Aku tidak peduli kamu kerjakan apa. Juga sebaliknya.
Kenapa tiba-tiba kita harus saling tahu kita sedang apa? Kenapa tiba-tiba pilekku jadi membuatmu khawatir?


"Besok aku ke Semarang. Kita ketemu ya?"
Di mana? Jam Berapa? Nah, sekarang aku jadi harus cari alasan supaya bisa pergi sendirian, dan ketemu kamu tanpa ketahuan. Kalau ke tempat yang kau sebut itu, aku takut nanti ketemu anakku di jalan.
"Kita ke Bandungan aja, atau ke Kopeng"
Mau apa ke sana? Kenapa aku bertanya? Mestinya aku bisa menduga apa yang bakalan dilakukan orang yang selingkuh ke sana. Apa kita juga akan melakukannya?
"Kita jalan-jalan saja."
Lalu apa?


Sudahlah. Kita putus aja. Selingkuh itu membingungkan buatku. Ribetnya clintat clintut. Pertaruhannya tidak sebanding. Kalo kamu ke Semarang, boleh kita ketemuan. Ajak suamimu, biar kuajak juga anak dan istriku.
Jangan lagi panggil aku 'sayang'. Kau masih boleh telpon, sms, email, chat. Anything. Tapi balikkan bahasamu ke masa kita belum mencoba-coba cari perkara. Begitu lebih nyaman. Dan aman. Read more!

Saturday, March 7, 2009

“Jay please listen, this is important!”

He stopped walking and turned around. Finally. For the last couple days I have been trying to tell him about this. But he always said, ‘can we talk about it later?’ or ‘I’m very tired’ or ‘I still have a lot of things to do’ or thousands other reasons.

“This better be really important, ‘cause I have an important meeting at eight”, he said.

“Can we sit down for a while? I…”

“Just say it”

“I’d rather telling you this while we sit and..”

“Just say it”

I have made him stop to listen to me. Do I need to push him to sit down, but then he would walk away instead of listening to what I am about to say?

I took one deep breathe, “I am pregnant”

I knew I wouldn’t find a smiling happy face. But still I was disappointed when I didn’t see it. He opened his mouth, not saying a word. But his eyes asked questions, “What? Are you kidding? Are you crazy? Do you realize what you are talking about?”

I didn’t need to hear anything. He opened the door, got out, and slammed it, left me standing facing it.



Years ago it would have been a good reason. It would make a guy you were crazy about and dying loving, but didn’t love you that much, willing to marry you. You wouldn’t care about what happen next. You could see a divorce right after a baby born. But you always thought you could still hope it wouldn’t happen.

A pregnant would make your parents let a guy you were crazy about and dying loving, and loved you the same 0r more; but they didn’t like, to marry you. You would hope a baby would defrost the ice between you and your parents, and more babies would make them finally see you and your guy were meant to be.

I made myself believe I could use the same reason to make Jay stay. Marriage has been so plain in the last year – if you are too afraid to call it bitter. This house, and me, were no longer home to Jay. I meant, he still came here to go home, and nowhere else. But conversations didn’t go further than ‘where’s my shirt’ or ‘good night’ or ‘I won’t be home for dinner’ or ‘I have to go’.

I couldn’t see what was wrong with us. Things were so good in our first years. He didn’t want children until he reached manager level. Now he has, but still he told me to wait a ‘little more time until we have our life settled’. We never talked about how ‘settled’ was to him or to me. I could take whatever life we had but he still had plans.

I still tried to think positive, until few months ago when we both were ready for bed. I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. Listened to his heart beat as I always liked to do.

Dee, do you still love me?”

I raised my head and looked at him, “What did you just ask me? Off course I still do”

“I’m sorry. Just asking”

He took his arms off me and turned around, and slept. Or, pretended to.


It was date 17 last month. We were having a candle light dinner I have arranged two weeks before. A 5th marriage anniversary should be romantic. I did my best cooking and dressing. Jay, as I asked, got home earlier from work.

He sat across the table. I took his hand and waited for flowers and glittery hearts falling around us. But the love song I played from the CD sounds like a choir of a group of cows. Air freshener lost its power. And I felt so dummy.

“This won’t work, Dee. I’m sorry”, Jay said, and pulled his hand off.

I did my best not to cry. But I couldn’t help my self not to ask why.

“Why, Jay? What has gone wrong? What did I do?”

He shook his head and sighed.

“I don’t know Dee. I can’t tell what is wrong. Or what you did. Nothing’s wrong, and you did nothing. But I just felt this is no longer right. I can no longer feel the comfort staying beside you. I… I… don’t have it no more”

“You don’t have what?”

I wished I hadn’t asked. He didn’t have any feeling for me any more, but he couldn’t tell why.

It just didn’t make sense to me. There is always a reason for everything. I was ready for the worst one. So I wasn’t hurt at all when I, from a corner of a cafe I knew he usually went after work, saw him kissing my best friend.


“Please Dee, I can’t”

“I won’t ask for more after this Jay. Make love to me for the last time before you really decide to leave”

Dee, even if I do it, I wouldn’t do it with love, I can’t hurt you that way. I…”

“I don’t care. I will put all my love in it. Please…”

So we did it. I, as I promised, gave all my love through the play. I cried.

“Why are you crying? See? I shouldn’t have done this if it only made you cry”, Jay felt guilty.

“Did you ever hear about tears of happiness?”

He believed they were tears of happiness. But I knew what they exactly were.

We have gone to the marriage counselor these last two weeks. Things didn’t work well, Jay has really lost his eager to stay with me. I couldn’t think of any other way…


He was packing his luggage. Nothing left in the closet. And he didn’t say a word.


He still didn’t answer me.

“Jay please. I was just trying what I could to make you stay. Jay, give me a chance….”

He walked here and there picking up things and put them in his travel back, while I was following behind him, begging him to stay.

“Jay… I thought a baby would be nice. It will make you a daddy… we will be a real family. We can start all over again. I promise…”

He turned back and yelled at me, “Well you thought wrong! Now will you please step back so I can finish packing and leave?”

I stepped back. I sat on the bed edge. I watched him finishing packing. I watched him walking out the room.

I didn’t follow. I didn’t want to see him walk out the door…


for this weeks sundayscribblings prompt: Listen up, because this is important!

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Friday, January 30, 2009

Happy birthday, honey….

I said the words to you, then I kissed your chubby cheek, and I hugged you close and tenderly.

Should have been. That’s how it should have been. At least, that’s how I’ve imagined should have been. But look at what I did then. I said this in front of your gravestone. No birthday cake with candle you’d blow with your tiny mouth. Or the warmth of family sitting together. No laugh, spoil pout, funny look, fussy lips and your cheerful face.

Only red soil heap, piled with a stone, written on with your name, your birthday and your pass away date, which even still in the same year. Pain covered my time and space. Tears, sadness, heartache, sorrow….

I spread out the last grab of flowers I brought. I rubbed your epitaph once again, and I sent you a warm loving kiss.


You have become my life since the first second I saw you. More than the time I realized your existence inside me. Yes, finding that you are a part of me that I finally could touch and hold. Seeing you so frail, I had to take care of you, protect you. You have became my everything.

Miracle by miracle you brought to my eyes has filled my life and my heart. Endear me, eager to always give you the best, to sacrifice. To give you anything you wish, nothing no for you.

I could still hear you laughing. Your innocent eyes that wouldn’t let me let you hurt. Your humbly mumbling, but I could understand what you desired.

I could still remember every single movement you made, from the simple one, to your first ever step. How you slowly rose up. Then you looked at me who was few steps away. You looked at me like trying to say,’ Mommy, I’m coming to you. Reach for me, don’t let me fall…’ So I reached to you and you move slightly. One step, one more step... faster…. Faster… until you hit me. I hugged you as a congratulations for you effort, and you looked at me with shiny eyes, ‘I did it… I did it…’

I never thought it was the beginning of your end. As you walked more steady and stable, you desire became stronger. You wanted to stop crawling. And you wanted to explore more, to satisfy you curiosity of everything you see, and everything you wanted to see.


I stared at you photo again, with the wild flower crown I made for you. The flowers we picked from the garden behind our house. You stood still and let me put it on. Your puffy tiny nose, tell me that you are the most beautiful girl in the world.

‘beauty, na…’

‘Yes, my dear. Na beautiful…’

You, are the most beautiful princess in the world. You are the world to me. Your pass away have grabbed my world, that have became alive with your presence, it grabbed even my whole life before it….

I looked away to the street, through the opened front door. I regret, though I know it is no use, the day I let it open and left you play here alone in this room, while I was preparing water to bathe you. I could still clearly hear the wheels squeaking, and a neighbor screaming.

Frantically I ran out the house and screamed, seeing your little body laid right before that white sedan’s nose, splashed some red on it. My sight suddenly darkened…

I hold your picture tighter close to my chest and feel the pain again. Losing you, my little angel. Everybody told me not to blame myself, but how can I tell myself the same?. Today you should have been one year old. I never wanted to make a big party, with balloons filling the room, or guests bringing presents. I only wanted to be with you, and your dad, thank God for all blesses He gave us, and wish for more to fall over…

I tried to face the reality. But I still can not stop these tears from overflowing each time I remember you, and I remember you in every single beat of my heart….

Happy birthday, Na….


for this week's sundayscribblings prompt: regrets

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Friday, January 2, 2009

live amazes me every time...

for this week's sundayscribblings prompt, for richer or poorer

Part one

Live amazes me

Like this time. I sat before this amazing bike. It is pink and white with a bell on its right handle. And a basket in front of it, with a picture of a girl wearing pink dress and holding a basketful of wild flowers.

I turned the pedal forward, the back wheel was turning, hypnotizing.

This bike was a present for being upgraded. Not for me, but for Enny.


Enny was my neighbor. She was such a lucky girl. Her parents were rich, and she was the only kid. They lived in the big house in front of ours.

I mean, our house was big. But it was still unfinished. The wall was naked, the windows didn’t have glasses, but covered by multiplex. The floor wasn’t concrete or ceramics or wood. It was soil. My dad was still trying to collect more money to finish our house.

Enny’s house was a castle to me. It has two pillars at the front. The windows were wide and all had glass blocked. That’s how our windows would be like, my father said. The curtains were double. First layer was white transparent, the outer layer was glittery and smooth. The floor was shiny and cold. That’s where I and Enny played every time after school.

Enny was a very kind friend. She shared everything she had with me. Her dolls, her cooking toys, her magazines.

She lent me a harmonica. She couldn’t play it but she had the manual book and let me read it. We would be happy if I found a notation of a song and play it. Our favorit song was a Japanese, Kokoronotomo. We didn’t know the words, at all. It just sound good and soft.

In the living room, she had a grand piano. It was kinda weird to me, since nobody in that big house could play it. I wanted to try but wasn’t allowed.

“My Dad said you can play anything I have, but that one”, Enny said.

“It’s. okay, En. It must be so expensive. I’m afraid I would break it, my father wouldn’t be able to pay the reparation bill”

I felt lucky enough to have some of her used dresses. They all were still beautiful, even better than my new ones, dresses that my mother bought in a traditional market.


Enny sat across the pink bike and let me admire it.

“Can I borrow it, please?”, I asked, hopefully.

“Sure. But I will try first, you can try after me”, oh wasn’t she an angel?

“Yes. I won’t go far. I will only ride until that cross and turn back. Then we could ride together around the village, what do you think? I will use my own bike”

She nodded.

My bike was just as big as hers. But it was a used one, when my father brought it to me as a new bike. He bought it from a friend. My bike was red, but it’s been faded and turned into brown in some parts. My Father bought a bell and put it on. But it doesn’t have a basket like Enny’s. And the chain cover was gone. But it’s ok, my chain loosen a lot. A case would be an inconvenient to me when I had to fix it up.

Live Amazes me every time.

Enny got this bike for her upgraded from 3rd to 4th. I’ve been the 1st rank since my first report to the last during my three years in elementary school, but my father never gave me any present as an award.

I knew exactly how our condition was. And I would never protest. My father was just a labor while Enny’s father was a governor’s officer. But I was just an eight year old girl, with a jealousy that some times came out, if only Enny wasn’t that kind to me.


Part two.

Live amazes me.

Like this time.

A sunny Sunday morning. As my habit I had made, I visit my father at least once a month. I and Dad were sitting in front of our house. The house was now perfect, at least at father's measurement. The walls were covered. The windows had glasses, and the floor was covered with ceramic tile

Enny came out of her house. She smiled at me and said. “Morning, Nil. When did you come?”

I walked closer to the fence so I didn’t have to yell answering her.

“Last night. Where are you going?”

“See my shop”

“Oh, the cafe. How is it going?”

“What café? It’s just a coffee shop. Almost zero visitor. I guess I’ll have to close it in a mean time. But as long as it is open, I have to run it, right?”

I nodded and waved my hand as she went away with her motor bike

I looked at the house and try to remember when was the last time I explored farther than guest room. It is still big. The curtains have been changed. But I really had no idea what was more inside.

Since I was in high school, I had less time interacting with Enny. I was too busy. Busy studying. My father promised me, I could go to college but only if I got scholarship. Of course, my father wouldn’t have money to pay my study in university without it. And busy working as a part timer, because I needed more money to buy books and all my needs.

My father has retired four years ago. I have finished studying and so has my little sister. I’ve got married and work at a lawyer firm with my husband. And I have two wonderful children.

Enny has finished colleging too. But still hasn’t got a job. She hasn’t got married, more over having children. And she still lives with her father who has retired two years before my father. She opened a café, I can barely remember when. But she said it didn’t give enough benefits. She kept running it just to give her something to do. She just said that she might have to close it.

“I often feel sad about that friend of yours”, Dad said, I get sat back beside him.


“Can’t you see?”

“I might see it, but in other way”

“How do you see it?”

I raised my shoulders.

“I can not explain it exactly. It’s just… ugh… how live has turned upside down. I used to feel jealous to Enny when I was kid”

“Do you think Enny’s the one who is feeling jealous to you now??”

“I’m not saying that. But, seeing how she is now… “ I shook my head again, ” I’d rather be who I was and who I am now. I was poor then, but I can have all I need now. More than I’ve ever hoped for, more than my child hood dream”

“What was your child hood dream?”

“My kids to have a better live than I had”

“Has it been?”

“It has been, a lot”

Live amazes me. Like now. My younger kid run while laughing, and ploughed into my lap.

“Diane Mom… Diane...”

Behind her, Diane, my eldest, run over and hugged her from back.

“Hey… hey… what is this...?”, I asked.

“Diane wanted to kiss me with her nose..”

“What is wrong with that?”

“She put dried snot on it....”

I held Diane’s chin and raised her face up. Oh, I could see a big one. How gross. I flicked it away and she spontaneously looked for it.

We all haw-hawed.

I pierced to the house across the street. The house, that I didn’t know why, has lost its grace beyond my eyes. All my child hood memories of its luxury have faded away with time.

My live now is far below the glory that once overshadowed that house. But really, happiness, in the end, wasn’t all about it, at all.

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